Sustainable and Filling

by jrana

This weekend I had a “someday is today” moment. Let me explain: there are THREE MORE WEEKS left of my first year of medical school. When did that happen? But, really, the bigger looming thought in my mind is that I will be seeing patients in LESS than a year. Real people. Not just textbooks or endless lectures with overly busy PowerPoint slides, but diseases with people, or, perhaps more appropriately, people with diseases.

Honestly, my first year of medical school has been filled with personal growth more than anything else. Having been gifted a weekend free of schoolwork after our virology/parasitology exam last Friday, I discovered that many of the non-schoolwork related thoughts I’ve had throughout this past year were eloquently narrated in the novel “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg.

My mom (who I am honestly convinced knows me better than I do sometimes) shipped me the book and I admittedly hadn’t heard much about it (I just saw her TEDTalk today, which is a nice abbreviated version of her book). But I am so glad I read it. The writing may not be earth-shattering and what she says isn’t arguably novel (it’s more of a story told quite well), but it struck a chord for me as a young twenty-three-year-old women who has believed in “perfection” for pretty much my entire life. “Instead of perfect,” writes Sandberg as if she can read my mind, “we should aim for sustainable and fulfilling.”

I couldn’t agree more.

I have a confession to make that I’m inspired to share after reading “Lean In” — maybe it’s my very tiny way of leaning in, too: when I started medical school, the grass looked A LOT greener everywhere else. Rationally, it didn’t make any sense to me: I had achieved more than I ever imagined. And yet, somehow I was envious of everyone who was traveling the world and entering the workforce. I knew I was where I wanted to be, but there was a voice inside of me that hesitated: “I’m never going to have it all,” it said. “It’s too hard and maybe…maybe it’s not worth it.”

Suffice to say, I’ve come a long way from that sentiment. In fact, I’ve done a full 360: I don’t want it “all”. That’s not sustainable and it won’t be filling. Sixty years from now, I might be able to connect the dots and say that “I had it all,” but from where I’m standing right now, I have what is the most important to me, including an education that is intellectually stimulating and the most alluring of all: the opportunity to make a difference in the world (cliché, perhaps, but true).

…And you know what? I’m realizing everyday that it’s better to prioritize than to have superficial “slices” of everything. At the end of the day, it’s all about priorities. And everything else? The rest of the “all” stuff? Well, I’ve decided to let it be a surprise. Because a) there are (unfortunately) things that truly are not in our control and b) it’s so much more fun that way.

If I had one complaint about the book, it would be that I really think it applies to men and women equally. Everyone should lean in to their dreams, their priorities, etc. I was happy that Sandberg recognized that empowering women alone won’t make a difference – men need to encourage this as well. In fact, I think men – of any age – might benefit from reading this book more than women who are all too familiar with many of the “choices” that many men might take for granted.

Moral of the story? A world run by men and women – equally represented – is going to be a better world for everyone. Cheers to that.